Things I Only Find Attractive In Fictional Men

And Never In Real Life 😏

All my book girlies, gather here. If you’re not one of us, you might not be able to relate to these 🫣

1.. Alpha Male? Wasiu? Alpha male? Niwona? (Even you) Hope nothing???😏

In books, I swoon over alpha males, the overprotective ones, the “you can’t breathe without me” types. He sizes up every man that even breathes in your direction. You can’t make a decision without him. He takes charge, and you turn off your brain when you’re with him. Shows up at your office, threaten your boss, Peak romance, right? 🌚

But in real life? Neverrrr!!!!!.

You claim to be an alpha male, and yet you’re childish, can’t take care of yourself, and the only time you’re assertive is when you're trying to control women. Off the road, my guy.

And what’s this nonsense about “you can’t wear that, or you can’t be friends with that person because we’re dating?”

How many brain do I even have that I will be turning it off for you?😂😭

You want to growl because I posted a picture and someone commented? Abeg, carry your werey elsewhere.

2. Stalking = Cute in Fiction, Creepy in Real Life o

Dark romance readers can relate to this🌚When the MMC is obsessed with the FMC, stalking her for months, showing up everywhere, “protecting” her from vile men (the irony), sneaking into her home just to leave notes or gifts? Very what? Very cutesy, very demure o

But in real life? Don’t try that rubbish with me.

If you like me, come forward and say it with your chest. Don’t pull a Zade Meadows on me, I will call area boys for you and they will spoil your fine boy o.

3. Name Calling? Let’s Be Guided o

“My little slut.” “Dirty girl.” “Pretty little toy.” “My whore”

Ehnnnn??? the African in me is going to be so IRRITATED. Who’s your whore? If I deck you 😏

Let’s keep it cute: “beautiful girl,” “My love,” “My girl”, “Princess” etc. Get creative but don’t degrade me in the name of romance. If you call me a slut, we will have problem and it’s not going to be cute 😒😒

4. Aggressive PDA? Please, Easy tiger!!!!

In romance novels, they’re always making out in elevators, at family dinners, in public bathrooms. And I’ll be like "awww," the sexual frustration or tension of getting caught? Mind blowing!! but in real life? Lai Lai

Don’t try to raise my shirt in an elevator if you don’t want me to bite your hands o 😏

My parents’ house is sacred ground. Don’t touch me when we’re 5 seconds away from my family. I’ll be so uncomfortable. Jeeeez

5. Not Giving Options? That's Manipulation IRL

In books, once the man likes you, he decides you’re his. Love bombing, gifts, showing up unannounced. It’s intense and romantic. Plastering you with the label “MINE” and I get goosebumps from reading that. But in real life?

If I say I’m not interested from Day 1, move along. You’re not my fate or spiritual husband. I am not YOURS and you are definitely not MINE.

Na small thing dey vex person wey dey manage 500mb.

6. The Damaged Boy + Innocent Girl Trope

I love this trope in fiction, the brooding, grumpy sunshine, damaged man and the sweet, healing girl. But in real life? No thanks.

Come to me healed or don’t come at all!!!

If your head usually touches, stay far away from me. I’m not a soft flower sent to fix your broken soul while you turn me into a beautiful monster. Go and work on yourself please. 😏

My book girlies, what other things do you find attractive only on paper but you won’t accommodate in real life? Which one did I forget to add? 🤔